Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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