Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
