i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
