I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
