Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
