Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
