Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize