Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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