don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
