Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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