I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
