i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
