I CAN MOONWALK!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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