my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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