Walk of Shame. In a state park.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
third nipple confirmed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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