This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
