So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
