oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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