Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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