Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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