I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
