Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
