so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
