so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
