I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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