I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
