im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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