Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize