Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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