If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
