I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize