and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
