Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
