he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
