hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
