She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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