dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
