i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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