And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
