Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
