she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i came on her dog
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
