It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
