im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
