What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
