she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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