I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
