I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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