Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just gift wrapped bread.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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