this beer tastes like vomit already
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
