The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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