Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
