I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
