Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
