walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
