Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
this just has baby written all over it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
