Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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