it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
