Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
