Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
