Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
