Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
