Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
