A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
handjob tips. give me some.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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