She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
