no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
