I think I just saw someone hide a body.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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