It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
