I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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