oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
